Fair Is Fair – It’s Time For The Amazing And Beautiful Women Of OUAT!

Okay, okay….so I like my mancandy. But I’ve gotten some emails and messages from the male (some from the female) viewing audience asking me to spotlight the amazing women of Once Upon A Time. The only problem is….how do I pick just one picture for each girl?

Holy cow, are these women beautiful. And you add in the costumes (I think I’m going to do my next post just on the costumes) and they become other-worldly creatures, beyond comprehension.

So in the interest of fair play…I give you the remarkable women of Once Upon A Time and a collection of pics that I feel capture their outstanding beauty.

Ingrid the Snow Queen

That gown! That condescending smile! That cleavage!

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And speaking of cleavage….anybody remember

Jack

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Once Upon A Time – Season 4, Episode 12 Recap: Belle, The Bad-Ass With All The Balls

Will Hook live through the episode? Millions of ovaries want to know!

Oh, the fearful, wary anticipation of a Once Upon A Time pre-hiatus show. I’m still reeling from the fateful goodbye scene of last year’s mid-season cliffhanger, and I  knew we were going to get our guts ripped out again.

I was right.

Damn you, Kitsis, Horowitz, and staff. Damn you.

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Once Upon A Time, Season 4-Episode 8/9 Recap: The Episode Where Regina And Robin Totally Did It

We begin today’s Epic Two Hour Episode(TM) in Arendelle, where the Snow Queen is seen hiding the Disney Hat of Death(TM) in an extremely shallow hole in the ground (apparently, the hat has no effect on groundhogs) and freezing it over for good measure.

She seeks out the Sorcerer, talks to his apprentice and offers him a deal: find me a magical blonde baby and you’ll get your hat back. She makes the deal by uttering her words (as usual) in a smiling, creepy deadpan, three words at a time. It’s like Christopher Walken and Julie Andrews had a demon-possessed child or something everytime she’s on the screen, I swear.The apprentice thinks that kidnapping a baby is do-able, but she may have to wait a while for a magical one, in a land where every third person and anyone born of true love has magic. Well. Okay, then.

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Once Upon A Time – Season 3 Finale Recap: Rings And Resolutions

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Tonight we begin at a foster home eight years ago, where teen Emma watches yet another kid get a forever home. Her foster mother assures her that she’ll find a home someday, but she doesn’t look like she’s feeling it.

Forward to present day Storybrooke, where Emma’s asking for the name of her new little brother, but Snow and David are staying mum until the official naming ceremony at Granny’s.

“You’re not going to hold him up in front of the clocktower like Lion King, are you?” she asks David. And I can’t help but wonder if the writers didn’t actually consider that, however briefly.

In rushes Henry, clutching a newspaper and terribly excited because he’s found an apartment for them both – a circumstance that Emma is less than enthusiastic about.

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Meanwhile, at Regina’s, things are much warmer. She and Robin are cuddled up, drinking wine in front of a fire, as Regina recounts the story of how she’d seen him all those years ago in the tavern, courtesy of Tinkerbell. “I just never thought I could have this,” she confesses. Robin tells her that when his wife died he felt like he’d never have this again, either. He proffers this bit of wisdom: “Maybe things work out when they’re supposed to.”

Over at Gold’s shop, there’s a decided chill in the air as Rumple hides the real Dark One dagger in his safe, sealing it with a protection spell. Belle comes fluttering in and she’s freaked out by the responsibility of holding the dagger. She asks Rumple if he’s got someplace better to keep it – like the impenetrable vault he had back in the Enchanted Forest. He reminds her that the vault held on the most dangerous and unstable magic – that which even he cannot comprehend. Didja get that? Remember it for later, kiddies.

Belle’s father has suddenly had a change of heart and is happy to give his daughter away in marriage to the guy who threatened to unleash the ogres on his town, kidnapped his daughter and forced her into slavery, murdered her former fiance and previously beat the everloving piss out of him. Way to go, Dad.

Over at Granny’s the tacky decorations are hung and Leroy’s slugging back the beers and talking about crap-flinging monkey babies. Henry is reading to his new Uncle, and not just any story, but the story of how Snow and Charming first met and their encounter at the Troll bridge.

David admits, strangely enough, that he didn’t fall in love with Snow because she slammed him in his terribly pretty man-face with a rock. Oh no, he fell in love with her the moment he saw his mother’s ring on her finger. Red points out that Snow ran away for awhile, and Hook off-handedly (heh!) remarks “Like mother, like daughter.” This prompts a serious eyeroll from Emma as she tries to sidestep Henry’s questions about whether or not they’re staying in Storybrooke.

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