Once Upon A Time – Season 5, Episode 19 Recap: Brothers And Sisters And Mothers And Daughters

Tonight, we’re cruising with Hades in the car from Christine to the strains of “I Don’t Want to Set the World on Fire” (nice touch!). Hades takes Zelena to a bonfire picnic complete with wine on the side of the road … Continue reading

Fair Is Fair – It’s Time For The Amazing And Beautiful Women Of OUAT!

Okay, okay….so I like my mancandy. But I’ve gotten some emails and messages from the male (some from the female) viewing audience asking me to spotlight the amazing women of Once Upon A Time. The only problem is….how do I pick just one picture for each girl?

Holy cow, are these women beautiful. And you add in the costumes (I think I’m going to do my next post just on the costumes) and they become other-worldly creatures, beyond comprehension.

So in the interest of fair play…I give you the remarkable women of Once Upon A Time and a collection of pics that I feel capture their outstanding beauty.

Ingrid the Snow Queen

That gown! That condescending smile! That cleavage!

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And speaking of cleavage….anybody remember

Jack

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Once Upon A Time – Season 3, Episode 18 Recap: Sometimes, Dead Is Better

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We begin tonight with Regina, being paid a visit by her dear older sis, (bearing a basket of tart green apples, no less). Zelena starts in with her whining and Regina snarks about her envious ways. They hem and haw around each other until Zelena admits why she’s really there: as a distraction, so that Rumple can take her heart.

Over in the woods, Rumple is confronting Robin warning him away, when Roland shows up. He tells Robin that he doesn’t want to hurt Roland, but when Robin fires his never-miss arrow, Rumple redirects it toward Roland, holding it in mid-air until Robin hands the heart over.

He apologizes, takes the heart and leaves, dropping the arrow before it can hurt Roland. Regina shows up and Robin apologizes out the ass but Regina’s just glad Roland is okay. Regina points out that she’s still alive, which means Zelena has taken the heart for a far worse purpose.

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Once Upon A Time – Season 2, Episode 16 Recap: And You Thought Cora Was Hot As An Older Broad! DAYum!

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Tonight we’re in the Enchanted Forest, near a shabby looking windmill, and a man who’s either dead, drunk or sleeping in a really awkward position. Guess number two turns out to be correct, when a beautiful young peasant woman pushing wheelbarrow rolls up and reads him the riot act. The drunken man is the local miller – that’s the guy that grinds the grain into flour, for those of you who aren’t busy reading trashy historical romance novels or active in the SCA.

The young woman delivers the flour to the nearby castle, and as she’s hauling the bags, she’s deliberately tripped by a snooty princess in a tiara and gorgeous dress. She falls, spilling a bit of the flower onto the princess’s shoe. The king intercedes and refuses payment on the flour, and further demands an immediate apology – from the peasant girl – for having the audacity to dirty a princess’s slipper. When the king condescendingly asks the peasant girl’s name, we learn that she is none other than our own Cora, in her youth, and DAMN. Just…DAMN girl.

The king orders her to kneel, and then forces an apology by threatening to use another Miller. Cora glares up at the smug princess -now identified as Ava (yes, that Ava – Snow’s mother as a much younger girl) and she gives her a stilted apology, with hatred shooting out of her eyes with the power of a thousand burning suns.

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Once Upon A Time – Season 2, Episode 15 Recap: Bad Blood And Killer Candles

We begin this evening back in the old Enchanted Forest with young Snow White, who is ready for her first birthday ball. Her mother (the breathtakingly beautiful Queen Ava) is prepared to give her the family tiara, but finds it being surreptitiously tried on by a servant named Johanna. Snow busts Johanna’s balls over it, but gets jacksmacked by her mother, who makes it very, very clear that being royal doesn’t give you carte blanche to be a jerk to anyone.
Snow is rightfully ashamed, and apologizes.Her mother reminds her that everyone is worthy of respect, and she wants Snow to always hold goodness in her heart and rule justly. A moment later, Mom lets out a gasp and collapses – showing us clearly that all is not well in young Snow’s perfect kingdom.
Forward to Storybrooke, where Snow is clearly PMS-ing, because she’s hacked at David for making her breakfast on her birthday (she prefers not to celebrate). David points out a strange, anonymous gift-wrapped package that was left outside their door for her, and despite the fact that people have been trying to kill them both for two seasons now, she just rips right in and opens it.
Inside the package is Snow’s family tiara, and a note from Johanna, who is apparently in a town that’s six blocks wide and in twenty-eight years, they’ve never seen her there before. Whatever.

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Once Upon A Time – Season 2, Episode 14: Oscar-Worthy Performances And Makeup, And Hook Eats Some Floor (Again)

We begin tonight back in the Enchanted Forest, and oh, look! There’s Milah! The child abandoning, husband-belittling floozy tart who selfishly wraps her legs around a sexy pirate while her family suffers.

But I’m not bitter. I am actually just really glad she’s dead. One of the few people I can say that about on this show.

Anyway… Rumple comes running into their hovel, excited and happy and chirping with the news that he has been drafted into the Ogre wars. He’s so thrilled about facing potential death, he does a happy little dance that’s just freaking adorable:

The reason Rumple is so happy about potentially being ripped limb-from-limb is that he can now redeem the family name, previously sullied by his coward of a father, and in so doing, finally put them in a place to start a family without fear of their kid growing up with that legacy. Milah tells him to fight bravely, and off he goes.
Ahead to the present-day in Storybrooke, and Regina is crying on Cora’s shoulder about Emma and Gold leaving town with Henry. Hook overhears and he’s instantly interested – Gold outside of Storybrooke is a man without magic, and he can be killed easily. Cora and Regina shut that nonsense right down, since leaving town would leave them powerless, as well.
Hook demands his vengeance, but Cora convinces him to stay and help them find the one thing that can truly kill Rumplestiltskin: the dagger.
And now we’re in New York, where we see an immaculately dressed Mr. Gold stepping out of a cab in front of a run-of-the-mill brownstone building – the location given on the magic globe as Baelfire’s whereabouts. They check the resident doorbell roster, and don’t find him, but do find one suspiciously blank apartment bell. Emma buzzes it and claims to be UPS, but Baelfire isn’t fooled. He climbs down the fire escape and takes off running, shrouded in a hooded sweatshirt.

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