Okay, okay….so I like my mancandy. But I’ve gotten some emails and messages from the male (some from the female) viewing audience asking me to spotlight the amazing women of Once Upon A Time. The only problem is….how do I pick just one picture for each girl?
Holy cow, are these women beautiful. And you add in the costumes (I think I’m going to do my next post just on the costumes) and they become other-worldly creatures, beyond comprehension.
So in the interest of fair play…I give you the remarkable women of Once Upon A Time and a collection of pics that I feel capture their outstanding beauty.
Ingrid the Snow Queen
That gown! That condescending smile! That cleavage!
We begin in the Enchanted Forest during the forgotten year, and Snow and David (along with Aurora and Philip) are preparing to announce publicly that the Prince’s seed has found purchase in the fertile field of his wife’s womb. Regina’s in a gorgeous gown, but for some reason, they’ve got her in this blinding white kabuki-style makeup that just looks really…odd.
Anway, Belle shows up and tells them all about Neal’s effort to resurrect Rumple and that Zelena now has the dagger. Aurora and Regina tell Snow (looking resplendant in her maternity wear) that now isn’t the time for a baby announcement, but Snow won’t hear of it. She wants to proclaim her bloating belly and swollen ankles to the world!
That’s when Aurora confesses that the witch is after a baby, specifically Snow’s baby – mainly because Aurora and Phillip totally told Zelena they were here.
Zelena promptly turns them both into flying monkeys and freezes them all in place while she fondles Snow’s belly in a really creepy way.
We begin this much anticipated post-hiatus episode with a prince, charging through the countryside on his valiant steed – and it turns out it’s Phillip. A pregnant Aurora is waiting for him by the ever-used gazebo when suddenly a magic cloud dumps the entire population of Storybrooke in the field next to them.
“We’re back,” Snow announces sadly.
Over in New York, Emma makes an entrance a la Season One, wearing a hot dress and sky-high heels, and she’s meeting what appears to be her boyfriend. What the hell!!!
They’re talking about work and Henry and it’s clear they’ve got some history together, however brief. He seems as though he’s a thoughtful guy, and Emma is clearly happy – which is an odd thing to see on this show, it really is. And for the record – Jen Morrison looks ten years younger when she smiles. I’m glad they’re letting her do that. She’s a beautiful girl, but when she smiles she’s just breathtaking.
Her boyfriend gets up to “see to something” and everyone’s favorite leather-clad pirate slides right into his seat, startling Emma who has a clear memory of nailing him in the ‘nads with a knee earlier that day.
Hook begs her to hear him out. He tells her that everything she believes about herself is wrong and then he slides a slip of paper with an address across the table at her. Emma tells him to get lost and he looks at her with those fathomless blue eyes and says “I know you, Swan. You sense that something is off.” He asks her to go to the address written on the paper, and when she’s through, he’ll be waiting in Central Park.
Tonight, we begin traipsing through the jungle, and David’s having a hard time with the heat. Emma checks the map and Pan – the asshole – has moved his camp, so the map is essentially no good. Regina wants to use magic to poof into the camp, but Hook advises against it as Pan will surely have barriers up against magic.
He suggests they look up an old fairy friend of his on the island as it’s possible she may have some pixie dust left that they can use to fly in. Into the camp that he just said had barriers against magic, which pixie dust is. Whatever. Then David explains that pixie dust is like nuclear fairy dust, making me cringe and squint one eye because Josh Dallas showed his Kentucky roots and used the hillbilly ignoramus method of pronunciation: “Noo-kyoo-lurr.”